January 2nd.

Morning! Lovely day for it…

Just like to announce that for 2009, Stan T is wearing his pants high and his trousers down low cos he is like well in touch wid de yout’ innit?

Although I have to confess I keep going arse over tit cos me trouser gusset is down by my knees, which just ‘aint natural - plus of course I look like a right TWAT…

Still we soldier on. Tough being a yout’ icon.

Happy New Year to all my Trolley Bitches - though not entirely sure anyone’s listening - all I can hear is static…

But just you wait: 2009 is year of the Trolley…

Stan T

www.stantrolley.com

“A Bloke & his Bird”

A Poem

He laid her on the table, so white and clean and bear.

His forehead wet with beads of sweat, he rubbed her here and there.

He touched her neck and then her breast and, drooling, felt her thigh…

The slit was wet and all was set, he gave a joyous cry.

The hole was wide - he looked inside - and all was dark and murky.

He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms and stuffed the Christmas turkey.

There, that’s much better…

Plus, as a bonus cheeky-chappy-chaser, the ultimate Christmas cracker joke:

How did good King Wenceslas take his Pizza?

Deep pan, crisp and even…

Don’t say I don’t treat you,

Stan T

www.stantrolley.com

Gawd bless you and ‘appy Christmas.

A Christmas truce: No more knob gags til next year.

In the meantime, have just finished wrapping my sausage in bacon, and look forward to pulling my cracker in due course.

All I need now is a big fat basted bird - and then I can get stuffing…

Stan T

x

www.stantrolley.com

So would you Adam & Eve it? Just when you’d been and gawn and lost most of your faith in human kindness, a copy of a letter that warms the cockles has been tossed into my bin…

The letter was sent to a School Principal’s office after the school had hosted a fund-raising luncheon for the elderly (or for those that smell of wee…)

A lovely old bird called Edna, was writing it seems, to say “thank you”, after she’d won a new Digital Radio as a raffle prize.  I won’t tinker with it - I’ll just cut & paste it, as I think Edna says it all:

Dear Thorsby School

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens luncheon.
I am 84 years old and live at the Sunnybrook Assisted Home for the Aged. My family have all passed away and I am alone so thank you for your kindness to a forgotten old lady.

My room-mate is 95 and has always had her own radio, but she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping. The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine but I told her to fuck off.

Thank you for that opportunity.

Sincerely, Edna

Bless…
Stan T

www.stantrolley.com

P.S I myself also smell of wee…

(Well I live in a bloody Whee-wee-bin don’t I?)

So this new James Blunt album then.

Saw the poster and thought it was called “I am the Arsehole”.

On re-reading I noticed it’s actually called “All the Lost Souls”…

Easy mistake to make…

Stan T

www.stantrolley.com

So this Gordon Ramsey then: Extremely rich, huge cock - apparently - and then, as if all that wasn’t enough, he’s also a very good cook…

I’d shag him…

Stan T

www.stantrolley.com

Take me up the Gordon Ramsey and then bake me a pie as a cheeky-chappy-chaser…

What are the chances ey? Popped out of me top flap Bob to relieve myself just a few moments ago, only to discover my trusty tardis-like bin has only gone and relocated itself - to “Bell End” in Birmingham…

So from my bell-end to another: MORNING!

Lovely day for it: Nothing quite like an early morning piss…or indeed, if you remember that old joke:

“What’s the difference between an egg and a damned good shit?”

Answer: “Well, you can beat an egg, but you CAN’T beat…etc…”

Not bin to Birmingham since I “took myself up the Bullring”,  if you’ll pardon that particular expression, a couple of months ago (see earlier entry)…

Keepin’ it real

Stan T

www.stantrolley.com

That Johnny Depp (Jack Sparrow look alike) wrapped my kebab - indirectly. What are the chances?

Here’s how it happened: He designed some wrapping paper in Saturday’s “Guardian”, some flippin’ ingrate twonk in this increasingly discarding & disposable world that we live in chucked it my bin - and I wrapped my kebab supper in it.

Nice…

Keepin’ it real.

Stan T

www.stantrolley.com

Evening  - or early evening to be more precise…

Lifted up me top flap on the old Wheeliebin just now, only to be confronted by the unsettling site of some pre-pubescent Chav’s arse hanging out the back rolled-down window of an otherwise tinted-windowed extra long limo…

What is it about pre-pubescent Chavs and trips in a stretch limo?  And where’s all the glamour when any Tom, Dick or Chav can order themselves up a trip in what used to be the transport of choice for the rich and famous?

I don’t want to be looking at some spotty-arsed Chav hurling abuse and then flicking me the finger…

Yeah, happy Birthday you little RUNT…(Try not not catch your cock and bollocks on the window as it rolls back up…)

Only 8 and already a complete little arsehole…

Stan T

Keepin it real…

www.stantrolley.com

Another day another dump, newspaper in hand…

It appears some bloke in Canada has been released from jail early cos he’s too fat for his cell…

Seems that “Big Mike” was such a lard-cake (came in at 375lbs and released but not exactly “free to fly” at 450lbs) that he was escaping gradually anyway, by seeping slowly through the bars, one bit of lard at a time.

Apparently he was now deemed “too fat” to lie comfortably on his prison bed or sit comfortably on his cell’s only chair.  Of course it’s obviously all about “comfort” prison…

Their decision, the good burghurs - no not “burgers” Mike - of Quebec: “Well let’s just let him out early then. He’s not going to run very far (or fast) and anyway, we can track him by Radar…”

A fat fuck called Mike as a blip on a Radar…Nice…

So what can we learn from all of this then: The way forward as dictated by the Penal Authorities in Quebec?

Easy: Next time you’re comitting a crime it’s a case of “a heinous crime with the one hand - and a pie in the other…And of course, if you take the trouble to wear a “hyena’s” mask at the same time as commiting this heinous crime with pie accessory - then get you for being extra creative…

Eat yourself to freedom - that’s my advice.

Though it doesn’t actually help if you’re caught in a vortex like me in an extra large Wheeliebin and seeking the world’s funniest joke…

Pie wouldn’t go amiss though…

Stan T

www.stantrolley.com